psicópata

that piece of wrapping paper...

2010-02-06T00:18:00.002+08:00

while cleaning out my room, i found an old piece of wrapping paper... yellowing a little... dusty... the pattern still clear and pretty though... its not much of a piece... maybe coz i've cut out too many parts... dunno if i shud keep it or throw it... can't do much with it... but its such a pity to see it disposed... yet keeping it would jus contribute to clutter... there's too much clutter in my room... too many useless things that i can't find the heart to throw out... maybe someday i'll find the courage...

Everything will get better...

2009-12-31T12:03:00.000+08:00

‘I’m sorry’ he says, for the umpteenth time this month. She’d be rich if she had a dollar for each time. The bruises on her arm were a hue of violets and lavenders, matching the flowers he bought. They never had the chance to heal. But it didn’t hurt as much anymore. The wound inside was harder to bear. But he already said sorry. She smiled through a cut lip as she accepted his bouquet. He kissed her swollen eye. She reeled back a bit due to the pain. Her rib hurt as he pulled her close for a hug. She hangs on to hope for a better day. Everything will get better soon enough.

And God said No...

2009-09-27T00:28:00.002+08:00

A friend sent over a youtube... 10 questions every intelligent christian must answer... I may not have the answers to all as i have not claimed to be intelligent... but for the first 2 questions, the poem below surmises it.

And God Said No
by Claudia Minden Weisz

I asked God to take away my pride.
And God said “No”.He said it was not for Him to take away, but for me to give up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
And God said “No”.He said her spirit was whole, her body was only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.
And God said “No”.He said patience is a by-product of tribulations. It isn’t granted, it is earned.

I asked God to give me happiness.
And God said “No”.He said He gives me blessings, happiness is up to me.

I asked God to spare me pain.
And God said “No”.He said suffering draws me apart from worldly cares and brings me closer to Him.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
And God said “No”.He said I must grow on my own. But He will prune me to make me fruitful.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
And God said “No”.He said He will give me life, that I may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me love others, as much as he loves me.
And God said “Ah, finally you have the idea!”

Langkawi...day 2...

2009-09-07T14:05:00.027+08:00

the next morning was FINALLY sunny...not sunny enough for a good tan but good for a day out...Pravin was hungover from the day before...so he rested while we went to sit cable car...

the view was awesome...

ching was afraid of heights...

there was such a vast difference in the temperatures up at the peaks...since it was the rainy season, we were among the rain clouds...was really cold and windy...and the clouds blocked us from the panoramic view from the top...

back at our rooms...Pravin sobered up a bit to go for island hopping...RM25 per person...so we grabbed some lunch (junk food and soft drinks)...then waited...

and waited...

the boat ride was a little rough...choppy waters...

first island was the famous Pulau Dayang Bunting...

went to swim and sunbath a while...

next destination was to watch eagle feeding...never seen so many at the same area the same time...they seem to already know that there'll be food...

last island was Pulau Beras Basah...we just hung around...

i looked for interesting shells and sea-washed stones...

then it was time to go...

dinner at USSR...met Suet-Li and family again...LOL...

Langkawi...day 1...

2009-09-07T13:14:00.018+08:00

great time to be at Langkawi during a rainy season...

we took the airasia package of flight + hotel...was only RM215 per person...to me its was damn cheap...besides...i seriously needed a holiday...

So at about 7pm, we waved goodbye to LCCT...

me? I was ecstatic...

we arrived in about an hour...got a taxi to send us to our supposed hotel...but instead was left drenched tired and hungry as we searched for our dwelling...anyway...by about 9 something we finally got to our rooms...Yang and Pravin went on a mission to rent a car...and came back with pizzas...and booze of course...Pravin runs on beer...

got up the next morning...still raining...rained the whole night thru...never i my life have i experienced such a long-winded rain...but we knew we had to at least get a car...so in the drizzles, we set out...

RM50 a day kancils were all out of stock...so we settled for a RM60 a day kancil...and while Ching and Pravin were negotiating on the car, Yang and I got a little crazy with cheap sunspecs...

our first day was dedicated to duty-free shopping since the sky din stop pouring...which obviously means Pravin with more booze...

dinner that night was at some seafood restaurant just 5mins walk from our rooms...also where we met Suet-Li...though i have no photos of her with me...

met up with Suet-Li and Kevin (Suet-Li's bro) that night...went to some club...

after about 10 glasses, Pravin was gone...he took tons of pictures with random ppl...drank another girl's beer...and broke his tooth during a fall back at our rooms...

Sometimes...

2009-07-10T23:27:00.003+08:00

sometimes you wonder if you'd ordered the right meal...there's the cheaper but heartier set... and there's the expensive and not very filling gourmet meal... sometimes you look thru the menu and all of it sounds great but you know you can only order 1... and when you've ordered, you wonder what the other dishes would taste like... then sometimes you get a whiff of whatever the other table is having and you wished you ordered that instead...there's too many 'if's...

2009-06-25T16:16:00.001+08:00

My assistant handed in her resignation today. Its not like she’s an asset to the company but she’s the only other person with a proper micro background, although it’s just a diploma. She’s not that great. Doesn’t understand why some things are done a certain way and doesn’t really bother to find out. She grumbles, sulks and takes longer to adapt when I try to make vital changes. She got me to do some of her work along with my own work (then again I’m easy to be bullied). She likes to take MC. Actually all the lab assistants seem to enjoy taking MCs at times when you need them the most. She used my words against me. She sleeps in the lab sometimes. She chats longer than she works. She’s the only assistant daring enough to surf the net for gossips and check job application emails using the company’s computer. But I’m gonna miss her….I think.

Ironically, just as I’m about to publish this, another assistant just handed in her resignation. Strange day…

Dear Dad...

2009-03-08T01:30:00.003+08:00

I noe you still think you're right... i'm not trying to say you're wrong... i just need you to understand my side of the story... before you jump into conclusions saying i'm too smart to accept your "suggestions"... all i'm trying to do is explain why i did wat i did... i'm not saying you were wrong... i never did say that you were wrong... but even my explaination was crap to you... that my reasoning made no sense to you... you're saying exactly that my explaination as to why i did it wrongly is totally wrong... ironically... i'm sorry i dun have the engineer's mind of yours... i dun think the same way you do... when it comes to technicalities, i dun really think much... unless i get ample time to think of what to do or to say... i'm a just bio student... and even when u claimed and insisted that fermented fruits were enzymes though i tried to correct you, i din argue when u wanted to believe they were enzymes... and i have never claimed to be the smartest in the family... i've lived all this time trying to live up to your expectations... i'm tired... really tired... i dunno what is good enough...

Random thoughts...

2009-02-07T23:42:00.003+08:00

i'm thinking of disappearing...like seriously pack up my things...go somewhere for a few days...and not tell anyone...need some peace of mind...too many things to do, to think, to worry about...

i'm thinking of ice cream...lots of ice cream...yum!

i'm thinking of the right valentine's day present...but i'm lacking in funds, time and resources...*sigh*

i'm thinking of slinkies...and how they dun exist anymore...at least almost...

i'm thinking of my teddybears...wondering whether to keep them for memories...or donate them and make a poor kid happy...

i'm thinking of what life would be if i swapped brains for beauty...

i'm thinking of how i'm putting of sewing a loose button until tmr or monday...

i'm thinking of what it would be like to have cancer...and probably die an early death...what i would do at the last moments of life...what i would want to eat...what i would want to do...

i'm thinking of a light sea breeze...clear green-blue waters...warm sands...

December 6...Christmas Carnival at Summit...

2008-12-08T12:12:00.008+08:00

I really thank God for the weather... God gave us a cloudy day so that it wouldn't be too hot for us helpers and it wouldn't be too cold for ppl not to buy our ice kacang and 'leong char'... though there was no rainbow, i knew my God was there... was kinda hectic the whole day... but fun... i partially jaga-ed the redemption counter and went around taking photos... i'm not sure how much we made from that day though...

our cell group's stall

DJ Sean in da house, our very own Rev. Ps. Sean Prasad.

My youth leader attempting to free the toy cow...n got all four locks out before the 3 mins was up

Chew in action...our miniature basketball game

Hui Ling throwing hoops

Thanks for coming to support...really really really really appreciate it... and i'm really sorry that you got the toy pumpkin as a redemption gift... LOL...

dunno-ness...

2008-09-24T22:38:00.004+08:00

i used to think my asst manager in my previous company was a little off... he'd talk to himself a lot... i mean, he was smart but it was like there was too much information and too little memory space, so he had to think aloud to focus... i just realized recently that i talk to myself quite a lot... going a bit nuts?... i really dunno... but i'm definately not talking to focus... it'll be more lik... I can't believe u jus did that... its stupid... can't u think first?!... darn... wat is wrong with u?... perhaps... i shud start to book a room at taman bahagia...

maybe its just me... but it feels like the more time i have... i start looking for faults... i start nit-picking on the standard operating procedures at work... and since i'm the only person in the company with the title of microbiologist, no one understands the importance of certain things... and another lady who claims to have 4 yrs of experience in the microbiolgy department of her previous pharmaceutical company thinks that my proposals are rubbish... well, not exactly rubbish but it seems like she's finding every opportunity to turn down my ideas and impose hers instead... i'm trying to learn patience from it all... but i dunno how long i can take this...

everything's just becoming such a burden at this point of time... i jus feel like getting away... a week in the forest or something... away from it all... n hopefully the solitude will rid me of my self-talk as well...

just one of those things...

2008-09-14T23:42:00.006+08:00

these are my latest...just doing them on my own free time...whenever i get orders...my workmanship still not that good...still improving slowly...

the first one here is what i would like to call 'Bohemian Twirls'...an aunty from church wanted something to match her prussian blue pants...so i bought the crystals and started work...

this is the second pair...jiun jeh wanted a pair for his mom...i call it 'Sultry'...supposedly real pearls...tht's wat the beads shop lady told me...

where i USED TO stay...

2008-08-28T22:56:00.006+08:00

I guess its good to be back home... though i kinda miss having time off from the nagging and stuff...

What the row of houses meant for local employees look from the outside

My room from a corner

My room from the other corner

The only sink in the house

The backyard

breaking of silence...

2007-12-31T12:54:00.000+08:00

LOL...writing again after so long...feeling so out of touch...hadn't had dota for quite a while until the 25th of Dec...just after Prav's ~~attempt to poison us~~ Christmas party...no withdrawal effects so far...so i'm doing fine...Christmas was kinda hectic for me...not really about buying the prezzies but more to the wrapping itself and carolling and carolling practices...we sang in Shangri-La Hotel for 5nights in a row...Sunway Pyramid for 2 evenings in a row...yes...Sunway Pyramid...and of all things...YANG had to be there to snap my photo when i was singing...-_- (I HATE YOU YANG!!!)...kinda glad i din tell anyone bout us singin there...i cannot imagine what kind of horror and embarassment i'd hav to face with if the rest had come to watch...anyway...on the 24th...we sang as usual...Datuk Ng Yen Yen saw us at Shangri-La and immediately asked us to sing for a private function on that night...there were two sultans there...was awesome...

i'm back only for today and tomorrow...then it's back to the mundane 8 to 6 life...a sad reality that i've learnt to accept...really should move on...but feeling really lazy...

10 things (tag)...

2007-03-08T15:19:00.000+08:00

numero uno...
i wish i was a bitch sometimes... less expectations to be placed on me... and ppl appreciate me for the little rare things that i do for them... and i'll be more daring...

two...
i hate me a lot... i wanna be someone else... i visualize my death sometimes... i'll be in a car and then my mind wanders off thinking of how it'd be like if the door wasn't shut properly... and how i fall out onto the road and another car runs me over... i can imagine what the mangled cat by the roadside encountered...

three...
i talk to myself sometimes... quite often actually... especially when i've just made a stupid mistake or embarassed myself in public or felt that i'm a disgrace to mankind...

four...
i enjoy time out alone... that's y sometimes i take long walks to another playground jus to take a ride on the swing there... it helps clear the mind as u admire houses and enjoy the soft breeze...

five...
i can be coaxed into liking a feared animal or insect if u make it look harmless enough to hold and/or pet... i used to hate caterpillars last time... that was until my classmates in primary school started collecting them from the oil palm trees in school and rearing them... i even brought one home to rear... unfortunately mom din allow... so i had to pass it to a fren...

six...
i might be guilty of murdering a dog... i think... not sure... i was really young that time... not aware that dogs couldn't eat chicklets (dunno correct spelling or not... its like chewing gum...)... i fed two of my neighbours dogs that... the last time i went over to check out the dogs, only one remained...

seven...
i enjoy mind games... i love sudoku, freecell, othello/reversi... thinking a lot therefore makes me slow in my reflexes... thus, i do not make a good DOTA player... :P

eight...
i'm addicted to buying coloured papers... its crazy sometimes the amount of money i spend on paper... my addiction started in primary school... buying papers from Kettstar...

nine...
i dun like pink... that's y i dun wear pink except for a particular spaghetti strap top that my mom bought for me... that's y i'm trying to get rid of my bed set soon... that's y i hated the previous colour of the Volkswagen... was magenta (not pink, Oon-Ee)... close to hot pink which i think only aunties that want to look young will wear...

ten...
i accidentally ate ant-powder b4... was kinda young that time... i opened the cabinet and this packet of granules dropped out... tot it was one of my mom's spices... tried tasting it... but it was tasteless... i was l8r told that it was ant-powder... i wonder what happened to the 'Keep out of children's reach."...

Last saturday...

2007-02-12T14:44:00.000+08:00

Our youth had a fund-raising Valentine's dinner... all was quite well-planned out... we were even equipped with a baby-sitting department... I was in charge of decor n song dedication... decor looked great to me... LOL... was a simple centerpiece for each table... but a lot of effort was put into it...

the centerpiece...

I cut the hearts from soap, for the one outside 'what-looks-like-a-vase-but-is-actually-a-beer-glass-from-ikea'... there are two hearts in the glass... both made of wire and sprayed gold... the glass is decorated on the outside with a gold paper ribbon tying together two sticks of kayu manis or cinnamon sticks... the idea evolved to be wat it looks like now coz of the lack of funds for decor, expensive cost of flowers during Valentine's n contribution of ideas frm friends n sis...

the song dedication was fun... din expect the couples to be so sporting and very open about their love for each other... and while searching for songs for the dedication list, i found more songs to put in my own list... some oldies are actually nice... songs from stevie wonder and james taylor...

I did kinda enjoy myself... at least at the last part... wasn't feeling too well...

Tagged...

2007-01-30T10:06:00.000+08:00

Part 1: On the Outside
Name : Shiow Wei…
Date of Birth : 28 Sept 84…
Current Status : Single…
Eye Colour : Dark brown…
Hair Colour : Dark brown…
Righty or Lefty: Righty…
Zodiac Sign : Libra…

Part 2: On the Inside
Your Heritage : LOL… I dunno… ¼ thai, ¼ chinese, ½ baba nyonya kua…
Your Fear : cockroaches… dead or alive…
Your Weakness : easily agitated…
Your Perfect Pizza : thin crust with toppings of fries, chicken, beef, lamb, turkey, pineapple, tomato, cucumber… *drools*…

Part 3: Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up : not yet twelve… can sleep sumore…
Your bedtime : bout 1 to 2 in the morning…
Your most missed memory : secondary school days…

Part 4: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke : Coke…
McDees or Burger King : McD…
Single or Group Dates : Group…
Adidas or Nike : Nike kua…
Lipton Tea or Nestea : Err… not really a big fan of both…
Chocolate or Vanilla : Chocolate… yum..
Cappucino or Coffee : Cappucino…

Part 5: Do You...
Smoke : Nope…
Curse : Nope… *angelic music resounds in the vicinity* =P

Part 6: In the Past Month
Drank alcohol : Yup…
Gone to the mall : Yup…
Been on stage : Nope… and thankful for it…
Eaten sushi : Yup…
Dyed your hair : Nope…

Part 7: Have You Ever?
Played a stripping game : Nope…
Changed who you were to fit in : Err… not really changed the whole me… but yes…

Part 8 : Marrriage
Age you're hoping to be married : Doesn’t really matter to me…

Part 9: In A Guy/Girl
Best Eye colour : Shocking blue…
Hair colour : Black or dark brown…
Short or long hair : Short…

Part 10: What Were You Doing?
1 minute ago : checking out about intestinal enzymes…
1 hour ago : sleeping…
4 1/2 hours ago : sleeping…
1 month ago : on the way to Penang in the bus…
1 year ago : industrial training in Sime Darby… possibly ‘playing’ with methanol…

Part 11: Finish The Sentence
I love : experimenting… now making heart shaped soaps by melting soap flakes n pressing them into self-made moulds…
I feel : sleepy… I wana sleep sumore… woke up coz pastor called to ask me bout digestive enzymes…
I hate : to be skinny… everyone who sees me jus has to comment on that… -_-
I hide : my secret super identity behind the one ppl call Shiow W… wait… I din say that… NOOOOO…!
I miss : simpler times… when I dun haf to worry about my future… jus play, doodle n make noise…
I need : to eat more…

Another murderous episod...which is not my fault...

2007-01-23T02:20:00.000+08:00

today... i sprayed a cockroach... not like its the first time... its just that this time, it might involve another life... i innocently wanted only the cockroach to die... but no... it had to scuttle around the floor for a while... then run off to the indoor garden and... ~~to my delight~~ of all things... into the pond... you could practically see the fishes all swimming after the 'food'... and mom broke the bad news to me about not having fed the fishes for the last 3 days... -_-" tried to sieve thru the water but could find nothing... i'm currently preparing for the burial of the fishes though none have shown signs of poisoning... if u see me wear black tmrw... i'm mourning...

The old wound...

2007-01-14T21:09:00.000+08:00

a fren just reminded me of a certain fact today... ok... maybe not a 'fact'... at the cost of my brokeness, a life was saved... seriously... i dunno wat to say... i dunno whether to be mad or glad at the statement... maybe she was right... we're all instruments of God... i haf to look at the big picture... i was part of a plan to save a life... i should be rejoicing at the life saved... but my sis mentioned the other side of it... would God really cause such hurt?... would God have really wanted me to hurt in his plan?... or was i jus in the way?... the pain was real... so much so that physical pain hurt less...

Ushering in the new yr...

2007-01-05T19:11:00.000+08:00

doesn't sound good starting of the new yr being sick... been purging and had fever to top it off... as i ate my meal ytdy i had to continually remind myself not to puke... it took a lot of effort to swallow with mom's 'sam wong tan' (literally translated as three yolk eggs) being extra soggy... it was never this bad before... i meant the illness of course... still dunno if its coz of the trip but i doubt so... happened only about 2days after eating penang food...

the trip was fun... really...

first day, snake temple...

second day, morning hike up Bukit Hijau... the guys trying to show their 'macho-ness'...

Woon sleeping...

Woon sleeping... no... i meant looking at Hui Ling's art... third day, beach...

designer feet...

i'm actually lacking a lot of photos... most of the nice ones were captured using mi-san's, chew's and alex's camera... i take crappy photos =P

A little something i found off HL's blog...

2006-12-26T22:06:00.000+08:00

You Are a Seeker Soul

You are on a quest for knowledge and life challenges.You love to be curious and ask a ton of questions.Since you know so much, you make for an interesting conversationalist.Mentally alert, you can outwit almost anyone (and have fun doing it!).
Very introspective, you can be silently critical of others.And your quiet nature makes it difficult for people to get to know you.You see yourself as a philosopher, and you take everything philosophically.Your main talent is expressing and communicating ideas.
Souls you are most compatible with: Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

then i started going haywire... filling up tests that sound interesting...

Your Deadly Sins

Sloth: 40%

Envy: 20%

Greed: 20%

Wrath: 20%

Gluttony: 0%

Lust: 0%

Pride: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%

You will die while sleeping - and no one will notice.

How Sinful Are You?

Your Brain is 53% Female, 47% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and femaleYou are both sensitive and savvyRational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headedBut you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

You Should Get a PhD in Science (like chemistry, math, or engineering)

You're both smart and innovative when it comes to ideas.Maybe you'll find a cure for cancer - or develop the latest underground drug.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

You Are 30% Weird

Not enough to scare other people...But sometimes you scare yourself.

How Weird Are You?

You Are Strawberry Ice Cream

A bit shy and sensitive, you are sweet to the core.You often find yourself on the outside looking in.Insightful and pensive, you really understand how the world works.
You are most compatible with chocolate chip ice cream.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

Down memory lane...

2006-12-02T03:23:00.000+08:00

dunno why... but it seems as if everyone's getting nostalgic and all... i miss those times... i really do... i'd give anything to relive secondary school days again... simpler times...

still remember Ee-wah and i betting with Lionel and Chew over arranging some stationary inside a metal pencil box so that it could close properly... we won days of their slavery with each successive round until we got about a week's worth of slavery... alas, the last challenge stole 2/3 of our prize coz chew put a fat eraser underneath the top tray... -_- (p.s. Ee-wah, talking about that... we still haven't claimed the remaining 2 days yet!)

i remember that time when Hui ling drew some guy (or skeleton...can't fully remember) with pelvic bones... instead it looked like a bow covering a certain organ...

those times when we played verbal RPG... usually during moral class i think... powered by our very own Woon...
"A tree is about to collapse on you. You have 5 seconds to react...
"5...
"4...
"3..."
"Err...rr do nothing?"
i'm sure ya'll remembered... LOL...

I somehow dun remember ever talking to Yang... LOL... and i have to be reminded of the uncountable times that he mixed up between me and ee-wah...

i remember whacking Lionel a lot... LOL... n ACCIDENTALLY slicing Phil's finger...

memories~...

Tag...

2006-11-23T15:04:00.000+08:00

The most destructive habit
...leaving things to the last minute

The greatest Joy
...to have friends

The greatest loss
...my self-confidence and my baby fats :P

The most satisfying work
...all my finished crafts

The ugliest personality trait
...selfishness

The most endangered species
...me? :P

Our greatest natural resource
...lousy drivers

The greatest "shot in the arm"
...bein invited to a prom where he was taking my cousin as a partner instead

The greatest problem to overcome
...timidity

The most effective sleeping pill
...exhaustion

The most crippling failure disease
...me

The most powerful force in life
...God

The most dangerous pariah
...me

The world's most incredible computer
...i'm the worst person to be asked this

The worst thing to be without
...friends

The deadliest weapon
...metal rulers, water bottles, my fist :P

The two most power-filled words
...good job!

The greatest asset
...friends

The most worthless emotion
...being upset

The most beautiful attire
...i dunno

The most prized possession
...friends

The most powerful channel of communication
...no idea

The most contagious spirit
...excitement

The people i want to tag
...still got ppl to tag ar?...amy kena adi a not ar?

The green mile...

2006-11-13T16:30:00.000+08:00

i watched my frens go down... each one of them... clankings of strewn bullet casings on the floor... most may not have had been badly hit... but injuries were not excluded... the sly smiles seem to be permanently etched on the faces of them who gunned them down... sure... they had the upper hand... but must they be so cruel?...

today feels like a lesson... the 'you-should-have-known-better-then-to-take-this-subject' lesson... i ~~was forced to watch~~ watched the presentation of others... the lecturers can be really heartless when it comes to the question and answer session... they make you feel small... insignificant... their comments seem to scream 'what?!? you don't know this?!?'... and sometimes you've tried... you've done all you can to research answers to probable questions... but it happens to come from that 1% that you din check up on... kinda kesian Wan Chin today... as if its not bad enough that she got bombarded by examiners with criticism on her project... her supervisor stood up and picked out a mistake in front of the whole hall... i can't help but feel her pain...

they await their prey like vultures eyeing fresh carcass...

i'm next... : '

...

2006-10-25T18:07:00.000+08:00

Talking about dreams... i just had a dream last night... more like this morning since i slept late... i couldn't really remember the details of the beginning part but it seems i was with a few others whom i dun recognize as ppl i noe... we were at this place sort sort like spying on something... it was in like a village or something... somehow someone got hurt... one of them in our team... i later went to the hospital to look for the person... asked around for this person... but no one would listen to me... i was ignored, brushed aside... at one point i got really desperate... i held a pen knife to someone's throat... finally i got everyone's attention... but no one believed that i'd cut the girl's throat... they all inched closer to me coaxing me to let the girl go... they knew i wouldn dare harm the girl... they came so close that i got really frustrated and started swinging the blade at the crowd... some got cut... then somehow the next moment, i'm sitting down with some counsellor but with the blade still in hand... i was really upset about stuff... can't remember wat was it about... and i wanted to slit my wrist in front of the counsellor...

its just the stress i guess...just praying that i'll make it through...

Domokun...

2006-10-24T20:52:00.000+08:00

u noe... i din have any idea wats a domokun til now... looks....... funky... hahaha... and i never would have known wat a domokun is if it weren't for ee-wah's dream... LOL...

ARGH!!

You choose what upsets you...

2006-10-15T16:28:00.000+08:00

A little down today... i noe i'm unpretty... i dun think i have to be reminded that i'm not... even my attempts to better myself were criticised... i noe... i can't help it if some people are just insensitive... i'm forced to just take a deep breath, stay cool and smile... its tough... kept repeating to myself that i should not dwell on that statement too much that i have a choice over what upsets me... it did help a little... though now that i'm blogging this i'm reminded once again of it... *sigh*

Tagged...

2006-10-09T23:58:00.000+08:00

3 hobbies:
... handicraft, basically cards
... shopping
... sleeping

my best yet

3 on your to-do list:
... clean up my room
... learn DotA
... to grow fat

3 unique traits:
... being very picky and a perfectionist
... can't bluff
... able to increase physical damage to nearby irritating but friendly units by repeated pinching

3 favourite games:
... freecell :P
... monopoly tycoon
... warcraft :P (just picked it up recently)

3 favourite drinks:
... lime juice ~~lime stabbing is fun!~~
... ice lemon tea
... soursop juice

3 passions:
... art
... shoes
... music

3 awesome movies:
... The incredibles :P
... Crouching tiger hidden dragon
... Patch Adams

3 good bands:
... Panic! at the disco
... Good Charlotte
... My chemical romance

3 things you're anal about:
... repetitive rapping of fingers on the table, repetitive kicking of my chair or table, repetitive coughing, clearing of throat or sneezing, repetitive playing of a song i hate
... other ppl having it easier than me
... music that are out of tune

3 random men:
... v
... ching
... woon

3 bad habits:
... bitting my nail
... playing around with my phone when i'm nervous, got nothing to contribute to a conversation or i'm unfamiliar with my surroundings
... doing other things other than my work :P

3 relationship essentials:
... trust
... understanding
... compromise

3 painful experiences:
... being ditched for someone i knoe
... being the unknown soul in uni for the past two years
... losing my credibility just coz someone took and copied my report

3 treasured memories:
... the fun times that me, sharyl, grace and su yen shared before we went our separate ways
... at the movies with v
... common chit chating moments outside my gate

3 favourite holiday destinations:
... beaches
... islands
... forests

3 goals before 30:
... grow fat
... go for mission trip
... ~~die?~~ possibly finish a masters degree

3 biggest fears:
... being embarassed in front of a whole group of people
... failing
... not having friends

3 favourite desserts:
... 'tau foo fa'
... some 'tong sui' that my grandma will make each time we're back in Penang
... Americano *yum*

3 people to tag:
... i seriously dunno who has or has not a blog and it seems those whom i knoe have a blog have been tagged...
...
...

Pre-mission trip...

2006-10-09T11:39:00.000+08:00

I've just decided not too long ago to go for the mission trip to Brastagi, Indonesia... it'll be in early dec... I'm not sure how it'll go... have to pick up BM again... haven't spoken a full BM sentence since form 5... this whole thing is gonna be a new experience for me... not very sure who else is going... suppose to be about 6 of us... mostly adults i guess... i might just be the youngest there... mom is actually kinda against it...
'you're so fussy about hygiene and all and you think you're gonna do ok there?'
'you're not going there for a holiday you knoe...you'll have to talk to the people and share...you sure you dare?'
'you're already so thin, what's gonna become of you when you go there?'
-_-"

why am i going?... coz i believe i can do more than what i'm doing now... and since it'll be end of my studies by then and before the start of any form of work, might as well dedicate it to God... I'm currently worried about sharing alone... i heard that the 6 of us might be distributed to different cell groups there... ARGH!!... I'm only just begining to be less of an introvert... but this is kinda like a big leap... and with my broken malay... hmmm... faith i guess... and a lot of practice...

The things I do to vent my frustrations...

2006-10-05T17:38:00.000+08:00

my masterpiece

Acquitted...woohoo~

2006-10-04T10:07:00.000+08:00

phew~
i've just been acquitted of plagiarism or more like collusion charges... well... not really charges but more of accusations... a friend (more to acquaintance since she comes to me only when she needs the help) needed the results to a particular experiment conducted a week ago... somehow... she din ask for it through out the week before... also, she chose that weekend to start searching for her lab manual and found that she lost it... so three hours before the time to pass up, she comes running to me for the results... alas, the computer i was using at the comp lab did not read my thumbdrive otherwise i would have just written down the results for her... so, anyway... i went to her comp instead... and she chose to copy my WHOLE report into her thumbdrive... she assured me she was only gonna use the results... she said the discussion part would be from a senior's report... i din think much of it until that day i saw a NA (not available) at a spot where my marks should have been for that report... i panicked like mad... i called up another fren wondering if she'd passed it up for me... she said yes... then my nex thought was tht the other girl did more than just take our group results... true enough... had to go see the lecturer yesterday... with her... paragraphs boxed in red ink covered each page... about 75% of my report was filled with that... some sentences tht i used weren't even changed... they were word for word the same!!... she just copied and pasted them straight from my report... honestly... i was furious... but i couldn't do anything... it was partially my fault... i just shudn't have trusted her with my report... i'm just thankful that she was nice enough to admit tht it was her fault... i'm REALLY thankful... she could have mentioned that it was her work... but she didn't... i was worrying initially if i'd have to prove that i was the one who did the work... but instead the true challenge was to convince the lecturer that i did not allow her to use my work... he first explained to us the procedure to go thru with when encountered with such a case... then... he said that he actually had to bring this up to higher authorities... he said if he did that... her report can't stand on its own... it needs a comparison... it needs MY REPORT... and a big fat ZERO for me... when all i did was innocently helped a friend... i was ~~ecstatic~~ thinking to myself how i'd be failing the unit and all... ~~my life flashed before me...~~ i was dumbfounded... somehow... she managed to convince him that i had nothing to do with it... and so he said he'd let it go this time... he won't bring this up to the higher level people... but she'd get a zero... my marks remained... i really think it was very sweet of her to help me despite knowing she'd be penalized for it... i mean... she could have not bothered about speaking for me... i kinda feel bad for her... i wished there'd be kesian marks for owning up for her mistake... i did thank her after the whole thing... i noe she brought me into this but it took guts and a lot of courage to admit that you did something wrong... especially knowing that you'd be penalized for it... really respect her for it...

through this whole experience i think i was meant to go thru this... my God was there to see me thru... and i really thank God for frens too... the encouragement and strength to go thru this...

i just realized this is the longest post i've ever written... =P

Wrongly accused...

2006-10-03T00:28:00.000+08:00

i watched one episode of CSI the other time where a murder of three people was investigated... they caught a guy red-handed trying to bury the bodies somewhere in the weed-filled flat lands... he wouldn't say anything at first... so they investigated further and found that it was his brother who staged the murder... it finally got him talking... the guy was instructed by the brother to drive the bodies out to somewhere far and bury them... so... since his epithelials were all over the bodies and the car... and traces of blood from the victims were all over the seats... there was no other way to go about except to arrest him... the brother pointed fingers at him as well... none of the evidences made a clear relation between the brother and the victims... and though the CSI team knew it wasn't the guy who murdered the people... they could do nothing as they watched the guy get ready for execution...

i feel his pain now as i go thru this trying time... sometimes stupidity can get you into trouble... i stare blankly at my wall as i await my fate tmrw...

Some days...

2006-09-29T19:53:00.000+08:00

Some days are somehow made to feel like crap... i dunno bout you... but it happens really often with me... i wish i could undo some days... maybe make them a little less painful... yeah yeah... i've heard enough of the 'each day is part and parcel of wat makes us us'... i'm tired... somedays just feel so bad that u wana hide away... maybe for a day, a week... maybe for good... u noe... i'm good for nothing... really... i just can't do things right... everything somehow manages some way to go wrong... i want a break from life... from my life...

Life...when you thought things couldn't get any worse...

Pink...

2006-09-25T20:47:00.000+08:00

i'm not a big fan of pink... nope... i'm no girly kind of girl... it can be nice on certain things... but not on me... some how... probably i'm too dark for pink... i especially hate the pink that is closest to magenta... i always associate that colour with old aunties wanting to look young and hot again...

UGH!!

I painted my nails for prom just the other day... pink... in a shade that was around the middle range... after painting all my nails, i stared at my hands... this is not me at all... and plus all the tiny flaws of applying (signs of OCD)... i washed everything off in the end... i would have painted black... but for a prom... it just didn't sound right...

Prom sucks when u barely knoe people... oh ya... and i did my hair at a salon... i think i may just look nice in curls... may be i shud try curls instead of rebonding the nex time... they curled my hair and pinned it up to somewhat look like a bun... before they pinned it up... my shoulder length hair were short curls... i kinda liked the look... looked a little retro but different... but then again... all of my hairstyles end up awry within two days...

i'm a little bored n tired of work... so i decided... there's so much weight loss program around... could there be anything on gaining weight?... so i googled it and indeed there was... a lot in fact... looking at one of the websites, it seems i had to count the calories of wat i eat and then add 500 calories to that... ur weight will increase but when it stagnates again, u shud add another 250 calories to ur diet... sounds like being a glutton at the end of the whole thing... how bout if i fast for a week and then eat like normal back again?... don't they always say that if u stop eating ur body starts realizing it has less resources and starts storing fats, and then when u eat normally back again u actually gain more than wat u lose during the fasting?... u noe wat... i'm getting hungry...

Be wary of toilets...

2006-09-18T23:39:00.000+08:00

Crazy Japanese Port-O-Potty Prank - video powered by Metacafe

Just a little something...its hilarious

Just one of those days...

2006-09-18T22:32:00.000+08:00

Too many things to worry about at this point of time... MBB assignment... GEN lab report... research project... being a cell group assistant??... my head is just killing me... plus i'm not sure if i have flu or sinus now... all i noe is i'm dying soon... actually do you ever die of excesive stress?...
rushing to print and pass up assignments today and was clobbered with questions from those who haven't finished their lab report... suddenly i felt so 'wanted'... i'm actually not sure if my group member copied my report... she's well known for that... anyway, din get to meet supervisor for advice on my minute sample... and i'm doing the antimicrobials again tmrw coz there wasn't any result from the first time...

today... i decided to do something good... i had a friend suffering from a bad cramp... you noe... the usual monthly thing... i suffer every month... so i noe what its like... so i tot maybe i'll just go to the tuck shop and get the pink pills for her... got it for her... she took one... waited a while... it was lab class... so we were all listening to the lecturer blab on... then as i turned back to my paper on the desk (she sits facing me)... she's gone... i tot maybe it was just the call of nature... then she came back... and i found out that she vomitted out pink stuff... -_-" man, its like in-your-face at its worse... another friend commented that some ppl are allergic to it (???)... no idea that the pink pill could cause that... tot only certain proteins and antibiotics had that effect... and this morning i wrongly recognized someone... so 'pai seh' man... haihz...

how many clues do you need before you knoe its gonna be one of those days?....

I...

2006-09-16T09:51:00.000+08:00

I just...
...found out that 'prawn' does not exist in my phone's dictionary and neither does 'shit'
...watched cartoons today

I am...
...not 'THE BIOTECHNOLOGIST' or 'THE PERFECTIONIST'
...lazy
...eating an egg now
...me :)

I have...
...tonnes of work and a bad headache to go with it
...friends :)
...a low tolerance for repeated rapping of fingers on the table, repeated kicking of my chair or table, repeated coughing or clearing of throat, noisy eating or chewing especially when i lack sleep and food
...a minor bout of OCD
...to prepare for sunday school
...no idea why i'm writing this for

I want...
...to be fatter
...a holiday
...to find something that adds up to a google of it just to prove that what i read in the newspaper is wrong (carbon atoms??)

I will...
...finish my lab report today
...talk less
...~~fall from the 13th floor, break my neck, crack my skull and die~~

Bugged...harrassed by this little thing a few days ago while doing assignments

Today...

2006-09-12T20:39:00.000+08:00

...i weighed out my crystals
...i officially start my antimicrobial tests :)

i din have the weight of the vial the other day...so i had to redissolve the crystals and transfer them to a new bottle...i came today to find fine tree-like branching of crystals... may not mean anything to anyone else... but i'm ecstatic :) ...i wouldn't really have felt this way if i hadn't gone thru my industrial training though... the pain staking hours of drying the raw samples, grinding them, extracting and then purifying the compounds really makes the sight of those crystals all worth while... imagine with me a 1kg starting sample... ending up with only about 0.2g of the pure compound that we really want... and the whole process takes up to 2-3 months... full 5days working hours that is...

My sample. Just beautiful...

The funny looking orange colour crystals are the pure compounds of my sample. This bottle was sent off for further tests to identify the structure of the compound

you noe... i din noe my skinny-ness was that bad... went to meet up with the head of science today together with two other friends... to complain about a certain lecturer... went well... but at the end of it he said:

"You noe...you shud eat more..."

* no i dun noe...i look myself in the mirror everyday and tell myself i'm fat...-_-" * "Its just high metabolism"

"You better not skip meals...you can't afford to diet"

that of all things...

anyway... was FORCED to skip lunch today... coz of my project... not that i purposely duwana eat... i'm out of time... several of them have already finished their project... and its nearing the end... i'm just hoping this antimicrobial test goes fine so that i can do the replicates without having to recalculate the concentration and mass of sample i have to add...

Frustrations...

2006-09-09T17:45:00.000+08:00

If u dun wana help...then dun...dun ask me to go and ask you for it...is this wat i get for helping you?...i have to beg you?...fine...have it your way...i know i'm probably just over emo...it happens sometimes...i just need a reason to cry...i wanna cry...just feeling down...i dunno why...

Sometimes u reach out...hoping for a solid support...but u just grab at thin air...the mirage...deception all along...u assure yourself again and lift that tired arm...you touch nothing...empty...nada...lies...believing in wat you wana believe...reality bites...

I dun get it sometimes...i'm giving everyone a reason to send me to a psychiatric ward...is no one gonna send me there?...

Multiple choice...

2006-09-07T23:13:00.000+08:00

Why did i bring them home?
a. their cute
b. i survive on the fumes of volatile organic chemicals
c. science taught me a better way of making guys sterile

Stand up comedy by Danny Bhoy...

2006-09-07T21:14:00.000+08:00

A little something that i found quite interesting. Sent over by a friend.

Things that remind me of you...

2006-09-06T00:25:00.000+08:00

White wiras

That certain scent

E-mail flooding

My brown top

'i miss your smell'

Vanilla

'Girl...'

Your smses

Interesting advertisement clips

PDA phones

'Green eyed monster'

Movies in the cinema

'i miss you'

*sigh* how long more til i forget...

Living without chilli...

2006-09-01T18:45:00.000+08:00

...is like life without its thrills...its like tomyam noodles without the tomyam...its like teh halia without the halia (actually, without the halia the tea tastes better =P)...

having a bad cough and sorethroat...had flu a little earlier...which resulted in my throat getting dry and sore in the first place...its now a little better...but i really hate it when my nose gets stuffed...have been refraining from fried and heaty stuff...well, at least tried to...nothing was not fried during our barbeque the other day...i had lamb...

i'm currently dying...the insufficiency of chilli or sambal in my system is taking its toll...the lack of chocolates and fried stuff...ARGH!!...anyway...i've been naughty today...i finished half a canister of popcorn...

what remains of the popcorn...

n i'm going to have my sambal later...I DUN CARE ANYMORE!!! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!...=P

SHOES!!!

2006-08-28T21:08:00.000+08:00

I saw two pairs the other day...at Vincci...dunno why...just felt like pampering myself...i must not do this next month...need to save up money...need to LEARN to save up money...

This is the first pair...i really like it coz it makes me feel very 'princessy'...i dun normally buy white shoes...this is one of the very few times...most likely wearing it for the prom...but i dunno how i'm gonna have a purse that matches it...wait a minute...i'm starting to sound like a ~~professional~~ fashion freak...urgh...

Pair no.2...kinda nice for a beach stroll...have always wanted cork wedges...so i guess this is it...

I miss my old pair...i really like it...but the strap broke and its painful to walk in it now...even had to take it off and walk barefooted in 1U that day...can't find the same one anymore...no more in production...haihz...

Currently i'm sick...down with flu and a sorethroat...a little headache occassionally...but the flu is the worse...i wonder if this is gonna be like the other time where i totally lost my voice...it was really cool...but it was an effort just to make a sound...

I'm finally picking up html...learning from a certain website...i get a little impatient sometimes...but then i tell myself that i will end up with nothing if i rush through it...learning bit by bit...hope to be able to properly do up this blog to my own liking soon...then maybe have a make over for my youth's blog too...

nuts about shoes...

2006-08-25T18:42:00.000+08:00

I WANA SHOP FOR SHOES!!!... haihz... dunno whether the nice designs are out... i realize i seem to like the strappy kinda of sandals...

Still deciding on whether to go for the trip to Malacca or to stay back for the church's family day... i wana go for both... if i go for the church event, i'll haf to just listen and laugh along to things i didn't experience during the trip... if i go for the Malacca trip, the same thing will happen where they'll talk about things i won't knoe since i wasn't there... maybe i should think up of a way to self clone with me sharing experiences with my clone... switching bodies with it whenever i get bored of one side... everybody seems to think that biotech ppl can mutate any thing on earth... clone any living creature... know every bio thing (actually every BIO student in the gang always kena wan)...
'eh, frogs can feel pain right?'
*how the heck am i suppose to knoe? y dun u just go ask the frog?*
Every weird thing about me ALSO seems to be correlated to the fact that i'm a bio student... -_-"

anyway... i've gotten my dress for the prom... borrowed Jaclyn's reception dress... its hanging right in front of my bed... tried it on a few times adi... :P every girl has this dream of being a princess... or at least looking like one... its not wrong, right?... just afraid that i'll be overdressed... and Chooi Hua is finally going!!!... i think the rest bugged her enough until she decided to go anyway...

i'm actually feeling extremely lazy now... i helped Jo and her friends yesterday... letting my assignments ~~hatch maggots~~ rot for another day... somehow i'd rather have mindless tasks at this moment... tired of thinking...

psicópata

that piece of wrapping paper...

Everything will get better...

And God said No...

Langkawi...day 2...

Langkawi...day 1...

Sometimes...

Dear Dad...

Random thoughts...

December 6...Christmas Carnival at Summit...

dunno-ness...

just one of those things...

where i USED TO stay...

breaking of silence...

10 things (tag)...

Last saturday...

Tagged...

Another murderous episod...which is not my fault...

The old wound...

Ushering in the new yr...

A little something i found off HL's blog...

Down memory lane...

Tag...

The green mile...

...

Domokun...

You choose what upsets you...

Tagged...

Pre-mission trip...

The things I do to vent my frustrations...

Acquitted...*woohoo~*

Wrongly accused...

Some days...

Pink...

Be wary of toilets...

Just one of those days...

I...

Today...

Frustrations...

Multiple choice...

Stand up comedy by Danny Bhoy...

Things that remind me of you...

Living without chilli...

SHOES!!!

nuts about shoes...

Acquitted...woohoo~